Category Archives: Blog

Suicide: Wrongdoing or Meaningful?

It was only after he died, and in reflecting on our lives together that I came to believe Micah had an early ‘innate knowing’ that his life may end by his own hand. But why did I have this feeling and why would he do this? Was it a possibility in his soul plan? Was it early depression? Or did he feel he was shut down and unable to verbally express?

At age ten, when I discovered the folded paper in his room in Dubai, I was panic stricken to see graphic stick figure drawings of self-destruction – one with a syringe and long needle going into a figure’s arm and another with a gun drawn into the mouth. As he grew, he never threatened suicide. In the writings that I found he continually thanked Erato, his Muse, and his pen, the sword, for saving him. His outlet for expressing his inner most thoughts and feelings became the written word.

Although he had had a long struggle with drug addiction accompanied by numerous overdoses, no one close to him anticipated he would take his own life. Micah was like a cat with nine lives; surviving car crashes, stabbings, beatings, hold-ups, severe asthma and of course, addiction. So, when he ended his life by putting a gun in his mouth all of us were in disbelief and shock.

Religion told me that it was wrong to take your own life.  After Micah’s death and this mother’s quest to know where he was and what was going on with his soul, I continually asked for higher guidance to know more about suicide, to please be taught about what taking one’s own life meant differently from what I had been told. I wanted my mind and beliefs clear so I could hear God’s guidance to me. And, as usual, one day when I least expected it I heard, “Mindy, what if a soul desires to experience suicide as part of its learning, growth, or evolution?” The concept was foreign to me but because I was willing to allow the possibility, the anguish and despair I felt began to diminish. I began to get a deeper understanding of the mind and how it works. I learned people with lower vibrational frequencies, like depression can attract drugs and vice-versa. The low of one of these conditions can cause the desire to end life and can get one into a severe downward spiral that they cannot free themselves of let alone the combination of the two.

The person loses the ability to make rational and healthy decisions for his/her life and ends up creating a life-style that reinforces and empowers the depression/addiction rather than recovery and peace. Sometimes a person can get so stuck in a particular state of mind (or mood) whereby life becomes unbearable to the point of taking drastic measures.  While in this state, the individual is unable and often incapable of self-help. Trusting one’s instincts and gut feelings will not work, because they are not one’s own. Life itself kicks the person in to taking action to remove the pain. In Micah’s case, I feel he fought the spiral of heroin addiction for as long as he possibly could, and given the repetition of relapses and shorter periods of recovery, he could no longer fight the battle. Numerous others, like Micah, are able to open up for the healing and guidance on the other side that they were not able to receive on this side. Healing is possible, and for those dealing with suicidal tendencies help is available – HERE and NOW. For those who have lost a loved one or are dealing with a loved one keep HOPE in your hearts. Whether on this side or the other we can be whole, healthy, and happy!

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The New Image of Heroin in the United States

Heroin use is a rapidly growing trend throughout the United States. A large part of this trend comes from teenagers and young adults experimenting with the drug. This increase in use has subsequently led to an increase in heroin related crimes, deaths, overdoses, mental and physical disorders, and need for new types of recovery programs.

No matter where I travel, whether in the local newspaper or on the local news,  an article or segment on the heroin epidemic, social implications of addiction,  young addicted mothers and their unborn, overdoses in children as young as ten that often go unreported, or some nuance of the shifting supply chain of heroin is in the news.  Heroin is EVERYWHERE! Open your eyes and stop denying the serious implications of trying heroin even one time.

The image of a listless young heroin addict collapsed in a filthy, dark alley is obsolete. Today, the young addict could be 12 years old, play video games, swim with friends at the country club and enjoy music of his or her generation. He/she can be an honor student, Eagle scout, stylish, “on-the-ball” and bear none of the common traces of heroin use such as needle marks on the arm. As an indication of the change in demographics of heroin use, close to 90% of teenaged heroin addicts are white. A flood of cheap heroin from Mexico is contributing to the demographic shift in heroin addicts. According to the US Department of Justice, Mexican drug cartels are now one of the leading suppliers of heroin in the United States which has substantially decreased the transportation costs in the supply chain. Heroin usage has expanded from large cities into the upscale suburban towns and is currently making its way into rural America where heroin and heroin abuse was once rare.

With annual statistics indicating that heroin use has been steadily on the rise since the early 2000’s. The reported number of heroin users has more than doubled between 2006 and now.

So, why do people, no matter what age, take drugs?

People take drugs because they want to change something in their lives, often mistakenly taking the perceived easy way rather than by doing the work to change behaviors. Most young people report taking drugs for the following reasons:

  • To escape or relax
  • To seem grown up
  • To relieve boredom
  • To rebel
  • To experiment

They think drugs are a solution. But eventually the drugs become the problem.

Parents, DO NOT assume your child is above abusing drugs like prescription painkillers or even heroin. No one ever goes to a high school party with the goal of becoming a heroin junkie, but drugs like heroin and opiate derived prescription drugs are blind to demographics, and children from all walks of life are at risk when they are exposed to these drugs in social settings where peer pressure can be the biggest factor in a kid’s decision making process.

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Inspiration for The Hero In Heroin

After my son, Micah’s, death I sat at my desk each day occasionally glancing at the urn on the bookcase to my right, getting lost in the reality that ashes and a few bone fragments were all that was left of his physical being this lifetime. I began thinking that all of the life challenges we each experienced could not be for naught. There was divine purpose in our lives but what was it?

Over time as Micah returned to me and to others in spirit I kept notes. About one year after his death in late April 2012 I was contacted by the mother of the woman Micah married in 2008. When Micah had a bad relapse in early 2009, Micah’s wife’s mother drove to Maine to move her daughter home. It was there that she noticed a box on the floor in the basement. She opened it and saw all of Micah’s journals and a few pictures. Micah was a prolific writer and from the poems he wrote as a child to the prose and poetry of his later years she felt someday he would want to have the box so she grabbed it for safekeeping until the day I got her call.

I began putting Micah’s work on my computer, with the intention of getting it published someday. In June of 2012 I attended a Hay House Writer’s Workshop in Asheville, NC, then a writing retreat led by Lisa Fugard and Julie Colvin which is where I discovered that his writings were compelling, relevant, and profound. But I was jolted to learn that because he was deceased I would have to be the one to write a book that would introduce him.

Loosely during one of Micah’s recovery phases I mentioned to him that it might be fun and helpful to others for us to write a book together –from his perspective and from mine – but that never happened.

It had never been on my life’s punch list to write a book. But with Micah’s continued visits, profound messages, his box of journals, guidance from Hay House, and my glances at the urn holding his ashes a book started making its way through me.  There was purpose…

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Welcome to my new blog! Edge Runner

Welcome. My name is Mindy Miralia, author of The Hero in Heroin: A Mother and Son’s Journey on Both Sides of the Veil. I’m so happy to have you as a visitor to my blog about my new book. This project is very special to me, and I hope to share some of that excitement with you here.

I’ll be using this blog to interact with you about The Hero in Heroin, expanding on some of the topics in it and blogging on some of the ideas related to my book. This is a great place for you to get to know me, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you, too. What did you think of The Hero in Heroin? What questions do you have for me? How do you relate to my book?

I’ll be returning here frequently with new posts and responses to feedback from you. Until next time, tell me a little bit about yourself.

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